Sally* joined one of my coaching groups for women with chronic illness. She had suffered for many years with Fibromyalgia, migraines, and debilitating fatigue. When the group started, she was in a dark place.

“I was finding it hard to perform basic functions,” she said. “I would have a shower and then have to go lie down. I would go to the grocery store and that would be it for the rest of the day. I was beginning to wonder if this was the way my life was going to go, for the rest of my life. I felt very isolated, alone and stuck.”

As we began to work together, I asked the participants of the group to write down their vision for their ideal life – how would they choose to live if symptoms weren’t stopping them? I asked them to create it in vivid detail, with all the senses represented.

“Oh, did I have anguish over that,” said Sally. “I thought you were being cruel, asking me to reflect on something I truly believed I couldn’t have. You were breaking my heart!”

But Sally did the exercise (reluctantly!) and never mentioned that she was so angry and upset. She assumed that I would then coach them to set goals to try change their circumstances to match what they had written.

“It would be another version of ‘just snap out of it’, which is what the world says to people with these kind of illnesses,” said Sally. “I would have left the group if that were the case, because it just wasn’t possible for me.”

Instead, we set those documents aside and began working, gently and consistently, to calm participants’ nervous systems and release stored emotions. After meeting monthly for about 18 months, Sally told me something she had never shared in the group: that her vision had come true.

“You know what,” she said, “I got more than what I wanted. I’m living inside my body (she had struggled with dissociation), living a life that I get to create. And I never thought I would say that.”

Sally had wanted to be an artist since she was 10, but felt that her creativity had been out of reach because of childhood trauma and chronic illness in adulthood. Now she finds that her creativity is welling up, helping her create new works and extend her skills. And her energy has improved dramatically, so that she’s no longer just trying to survive, but has the energy to work on her art.

“That feeling of progress, of oh! I’m saying yes to life, saying yes to myself, that’s magic.”

*Story shared with permission. Names changed to protect privacy.