Working With a Complex Medical Team
Sam* was a member of one of my coaching groups for women with chronic illness. She had struggled many times to communicate with her doctors and specialists, especially since she has what I call a “mystery illness”: one that medical science has yet to understand. As such, her doctors would often recommend tests or treatment regimens that Sam intuitively felt wouldn’t be right for her or might even make her symptoms worse.
“People who have never experienced something like this wouldn’t understand,” she said. “It’s hard to communicate with doctors, especially when you have difficulty expressing your point of view.”
Sam described how, because of the severe fatigue and brain fog her illness created, plus a habit of deferring to others, she struggled to communicate her needs. This wasn’t something she came to the coaching group to learn, but found it was a benefit of releasing the stored emotional energy inside her, which had compounded over the years of her illness.
“Previously if I was feeling steamrollered into a situation [by a doctor or other medical professional] I might just withdraw, shut down, tell myself that I’m wrong, when intuitively I knew that wasn’t true. I would have gone along for the peace. I’m a peace-keeper of many years.”
She described the change after coaching: “Now, if I’m having some medical challenges, I don’t have as strong a need to people-please. I can advocate kindly but effectively for myself, and I can pick and choose which aspects of the treatment plan work for me and which don’t. I don’t feel obligated.”
She said that the other change which surprised her was an internal one: “I’m also communicating with myself differently. My self-talk is kinder, more compassionate; I can witness when I’m being curmudgeonly or when I’m upset. Previously I would have to be way deep into upset before I recognised it.”
“The awareness of what’s going on means that I can catch it at a much earlier point. I’m less caught up in the drama, so I’m less reactive and more proactive…I’m shocked to say this, but I’m a lot more optimistic.”
With my own background of recovering from chronic illness (twice!) and doing many hours of research into what distinguishes those who recover from those who don’t, I know that the ability to recover quickly from fight/flight/freeze and keeping an optimistic outlook are two of the hallmarks of those who succeed.
Sam also learned to communicate with her body in a new way.
“Really listening to a symptom in the body, that was extraordinary to me. I can let the symptom talk to me. It can give me the dialogue to tell me what’s going on. Normally, it’s: have a symptom, treat a symptom. This was: have a symptom…explore it. Sit with it for a while and see what more there may be to learn. When am I not listening to myself and my inner needs?”
“It’s more authentic, and it means I’m listening to myself more fully moment to moment.”
*Story shared with permission. Names changed to protect privacy.
